Authorities are searching for Alex Kintner, 34, a Williamsburg resident who disappeared Monday evening while attempting to mail a letter on Bedford Avenue. Witnesses say Kintner was last seen at a blue mailbox outside a closed café shortly after sunset. Moments later, he was gone.
The box in question has long carried the warning "DO NOT FEED THE MAILBOX" , a warning locals say newbies treated as a joke. According to bystanders, Kitner ignored an elderly man’s attempt to stop him, slipped his letter through the slot, and was immediately eaten by the mailbox's giant jaws of death.
“I told him not to bother it,” said Edward ‘Eddie’ Marasco, 78, who lives in the neighborhood and has spent years warning the wannabe hipsters about that mailbox. “We have rules for a reason. You follow them, you stay alive. You don’t, well… the city notices.”
Marasco insists the warnings aren’t superstition but survival. “People think I’m crazy, but those signs are there to keep us safe. You don’t tap on storm drains, you don’t whistle at traffic lights, and you sure as hell don’t feed a mailbox. That’s just common sense.”
City officials have since sealed off the area, citing “unusual supernatural activity.” A spokesperson for the Department of Urban Safety reminded residents that all municipal fixtures are harmless when left alone and urged the public to report any “humming or breathing noises” from street infrastructure.
Only Kintner’s shoes and a half of a stamped envelope were found at the scene. As one officer at the site quietly told reporters, “Some people just don’t respect the rules.”